I got a pair of rollerblades over the weekend. Someone healing from a fall that occurred while running probably shouldn’t strap a set of wheels to their feet but here we are. I did buy the set of pads that my daughter claims make me look “lame”. She has been learning to rollerblade for the past few weeks so I decided to join her. I did enjoy rollerblading as a teenager but apparently that was too long ago for my brain to believe that they aren’t trying to kill me. The pads help. I honestly thought it might be a good way to get more physical exercise without jarring my knee joint as much. I didn’t expect there to be such a large relearning curve. So far the only extra physical exercise I’ve gotten has been an increase in heart rate due to anxiety. I am reading The Places That Scare You by Pema Chödrön. It turns out that every place scares me when I’m wearing rollerblades. I’m hoping the book can help get me through the fear. I have been consistently running my daily mile to keep my streak alive. It still feels like a chore but I can tell my knee is getting better. My pace has gotten back to my pre-injury state but I’m just running significantly fewer miles. I know I’ll get back to where I was but I’m just not super patient. Maybe Pema’s book can help me with that too.
I was dragging all day yesterday. I wasn’t even a little excited about running after dinner. I took my youngest to the gym with me and he shot baskets while I suffered through 9 laps on the indoor track. I was so glad when I was done. My son wanted me to play badminton with him but I literally had nothing left. We went home and read in bed instead. Today, however, the sun was shining and the temperature was more like spring than winter. I really wasn’t feeling motivated to go far but I really wanted to enjoy the weather. My husband and I decided to take our youngest out to the local lake to hike on the trails. They played around on some dirt jumps while I ran a quick mile that turned into 2. I was really enjoying the run way more than I had expected. Luckily, my husband and son entertained themselves by throwing rocks at the ice while I ran that extra mile. I actually had to drag them away when I was done running. It wasn’t warm enough to stay warm after sweating but it was still pretty great. Everyone enjoyed the winter reprieve.
My son had a rough day. I spent the evening with him and didn’t get home until 9pm. I decided to go to the gym to run instead of running in the cold and darkness. My son decided to join me. I was only planning on running a mile on the treadmill but since he decided to go, I drove across town to the gym with a basketball court so he could shoot hoops while I ran. The bonus was the indoor track. I would much rather run in small circles than on a hamster wheel. Since he was enjoying shooting around, I decided to run 2 miles. It wasn’t too bad. I’m glad I kept the streak going but I’m super tired.
The past two days, I’ve needed to drive over an hour each way in the middle of the work day to be at appointments for my son. Luckily, my new job has been really accommodating of my situation. I have gone into work at 7:30am, left for the appointments, and the come back to work until 6pm. It’s not ideal but it allows me to be there for my son while still meeting most of the basic requirements of my job. This schedule leaves very little time for my other kids or my husband. I’ve woken up early both yesterday and today so I could get to the gym and run before my family woke up. I ran 2.75 miles yesterday and 3 today. I’ve been super tired by the end of the day but I’ve enjoyed getting my runs done early. I just wish I could get outside for more runs. Future goals!
Yesterday I ran 2 miles at the gym in the last half hour it was open. I was so tired by the end of the run. It was interesting because I wasn’t physically exhausted from the run but I was completely spent emotionally. The lights felt too bright, the music was too loud, the treadmill too complicated, and I just wanted my bed. I def went to bed early but woke up often worried about my son. Today I ran a mile outside before work. Getting outside was wonderful. The weather has been fantastically warm and I am glad I finally had a chance to enjoy it. I wish I had been in a position to run longer but I’m thankful I at least had the time and energy for a mile.
It’s been a long few days. I don’t want to go into detail out of respect for my son but I will say that it has been a long few days. My son was admitted into the hospital on Friday and it was an emotionally challenging day. I had been up since 1:30am and was running on 2 hours of sleep. By the time I got home at 9:30pm, I could hardly see straight. I considered calling the streak done but I didn’t want it to end with what felt like a surrender. I decided to go to the gym down the road from my house and run an easy mile. I was super thankful that they stayed open until 10pm because a run in the dark sounded even more overwhelming. My headlamp has needed new batteries for months. At the gym, I was literally the only human in the cardio room. It was lovely. I ran a 13 minute mile where my heart rate stayed abnormally low but I made it. I made it home safely, hugged my other 3 children, and went straight to bed. Yesterday was a little less chaotic but still busy. We went to visit my son at the hospital, which was actually a huge relief because he seems to be improving, took our youngest to visit with his grandpa, took my daughter to Chicago to spend time with her dad and step mom’s family, and then picked up some pictures at Walgreens to take to my son tomorrow to help make his room at the hospital feel more like home. My husband had actually gotten a hotel room in the city earlier in the week and we had considered canceling the room many times. We decided to take a night for ourselves, which was a great decision. It’s been months since we have had a night alone. I had hoped to run along Lake Michigan when we got into the city but the sun had set by the time we picked up the pictures. Thankfully, the hotel had a lovely exercise room. So, after a great phone conversation with my son, I went down to the exercise room and ran another mile. This one was slightly faster than Friday’s mile but not by much. Regardless, I’m keeping the streak alive. I’m hoping to have a little more time to run today.
I’m tired. I’m working really hard to keep all of my plates spinning. It’s hard to know if I’m successfully spinning them all but I keep trying regardless. At least, the streak lives on. I ran a slow mile with Mr. B after school today. He had some discouraging news at a doctor’s visit with his wife yesterday. My older boy that is struggling had a rough day yesterday too. We made quite the pair today. But, we persevered through the uncertainty and distraction of our concern for our loved ones. We made it through another work day and I added another day to my streak with Mr. B by my side. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other. My younger sister once said, “The only way out is through.” Indeed.