The past two days, I’ve needed to drive over an hour each way in the middle of the work day to be at appointments for my son. Luckily, my new job has been really accommodating of my situation. I have gone into work at 7:30am, left for the appointments, and the come back to work until 6pm. It’s not ideal but it allows me to be there for my son while still meeting most of the basic requirements of my job. This schedule leaves very little time for my other kids or my husband. I’ve woken up early both yesterday and today so I could get to the gym and run before my family woke up. I ran 2.75 miles yesterday and 3 today. I’ve been super tired by the end of the day but I’ve enjoyed getting my runs done early. I just wish I could get outside for more runs. Future goals!
Yesterday I ran 2 miles at the gym in the last half hour it was open. I was so tired by the end of the run. It was interesting because I wasn’t physically exhausted from the run but I was completely spent emotionally. The lights felt too bright, the music was too loud, the treadmill too complicated, and I just wanted my bed. I def went to bed early but woke up often worried about my son. Today I ran a mile outside before work. Getting outside was wonderful. The weather has been fantastically warm and I am glad I finally had a chance to enjoy it. I wish I had been in a position to run longer but I’m thankful I at least had the time and energy for a mile.
It’s been a long few days. I don’t want to go into detail out of respect for my son but I will say that it has been a long few days. My son was admitted into the hospital on Friday and it was an emotionally challenging day. I had been up since 1:30am and was running on 2 hours of sleep. By the time I got home at 9:30pm, I could hardly see straight. I considered calling the streak done but I didn’t want it to end with what felt like a surrender. I decided to go to the gym down the road from my house and run an easy mile. I was super thankful that they stayed open until 10pm because a run in the dark sounded even more overwhelming. My headlamp has needed new batteries for months. At the gym, I was literally the only human in the cardio room. It was lovely. I ran a 13 minute mile where my heart rate stayed abnormally low but I made it. I made it home safely, hugged my other 3 children, and went straight to bed. Yesterday was a little less chaotic but still busy. We went to visit my son at the hospital, which was actually a huge relief because he seems to be improving, took our youngest to visit with his grandpa, took my daughter to Chicago to spend time with her dad and step mom’s family, and then picked up some pictures at Walgreens to take to my son tomorrow to help make his room at the hospital feel more like home. My husband had actually gotten a hotel room in the city earlier in the week and we had considered canceling the room many times. We decided to take a night for ourselves, which was a great decision. It’s been months since we have had a night alone. I had hoped to run along Lake Michigan when we got into the city but the sun had set by the time we picked up the pictures. Thankfully, the hotel had a lovely exercise room. So, after a great phone conversation with my son, I went down to the exercise room and ran another mile. This one was slightly faster than Friday’s mile but not by much. Regardless, I’m keeping the streak alive. I’m hoping to have a little more time to run today.
I’m tired. I’m working really hard to keep all of my plates spinning. It’s hard to know if I’m successfully spinning them all but I keep trying regardless. At least, the streak lives on. I ran a slow mile with Mr. B after school today. He had some discouraging news at a doctor’s visit with his wife yesterday. My older boy that is struggling had a rough day yesterday too. We made quite the pair today. But, we persevered through the uncertainty and distraction of our concern for our loved ones. We made it through another work day and I added another day to my streak with Mr. B by my side. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other. My younger sister once said, “The only way out is through.” Indeed.
I’ve mentioned before that one of my sons is struggling. He is still struggling. One of the most difficult aspects of parenting is watching your kids struggle. It almost causes me physical pain. I would give everything I have if only it would make him better. I have actually given quite a lot to try to help him. It’s the main reason we moved him and his twin brother across the state at the beginning of the school year, it’s why I’m quitting my job to move with them, and it’s why I often wake up at 3:30 in the morning to try to google my way to a solution. I have missed numerous days of work and have been experiencing physiological manifestations of the unrelenting stress. I know something will eventually help his pain but he isn’t so sure. He continues to persevere and for that I am grateful. Yesterday, we had a momentary reprieve from the torrents of intensity so my husband, youngest son, and I snuck off to the gym. We dropped the 2nd grader off at the child care room and my husband and I climbed onto adjacent treadmills. We had the longest period of uninterrupted conversation in as long as I can remember. It was much needed for both of us. It was an incredibly difficult day but that 2 miles on the treadmill was certainly one of the highlights.
The last 2 days were exhausting. I think I’m in a physical and emotional deficit that spans 16 years. I love my children more than anything but they really do take a lot of my physical and emotional energy. That being said, I’m just not in a place where a 12 hour work day feels realistic. I am appreciative of the compensatory day off today but I spent it running from appointment to appointment for one of my kiddos. I’m tired. I’m contemplating a digital detox camping trip with my older boys between Christmas and New Years to take some time to recharge. I will keep you all posted. Between work and parent teacher conferences yesterday, I ran 2 slow miles with our newer crew. Halfway through the run, one of my girls pointed out that it was our last practice. Tomorrow is regionals and we have 2 team members that have a chance of making it to sectionals but our newbies know it is their last race of the season. I have loved the season and the opportunity to coach these kids but I’m also ready to be done. I move in 3 weeks. I have much to do. It’s time to shift my focus. I will look back on this time fondly but I will not spend much time mourning the end. Today was a beautiful day weather-wise but I had my 2nd grader with me so I ran at the gym to take advantage of their child care room. I ran 3 slow miles but really enjoyed the quiet and time for contemplation even though I was trapped indoors on the hamster wheel. We walked to a park afterward so he could have some time to play so I did get to enjoy the weather. I’m feeling really worn down tonight. I will likely head to bed soon with a meditation. Deep breaths.
I have felt very busy and overwhelmed by life lately. However, I have managed to keep the streak alive with a mile run between school and a doctor’s appointment for my son yesterday and a mile run between school and driving to spend time with my older boys and husband today. I did take some time for a leisurely walk tonight. The temperature was absolutely perfect. It was dark so I took my headlamp. I stopped by the park behind the neighborhood elementary school to do a few pull-ups and dips. I also did a flip over one of the bars. I like to keep my vestibular system on it’s toes. It felt goofy and freeing. I think I’ll be doing that more often! I’m looking forward to having time for a couple of longer runs this weekend.