Forward movement

Some days are hard. Some days are hard for the people you love and that makes your heart heavy. Today was one of those days for me. As a mom, sometimes I just want to fix the problems my kids have to end their struggles but that isn’t always an option. It reminds me a bit of treadmill running. I feel like I output a ton of energy worrying but really get nowhere. I wasn’t able to help my son today but my husband was able to be there for him. I am incredibly grateful for that. I debated leaving school today to drive over to where my son is but I stayed at school once my husband was able to fill in for me. It was hard though. I really wanted to be there. I’m not sure that I could have done anything more than my husband did but I still felt like I should have been doing more for my boy. Instead, I taught other people’s children and coached our team. I leaned on multiple colleagues to get through the day. I’m hoping for a better day for my son tomorrow. I’m waiting anxiously until the end of the school day when I can drive across the miles to be back together as a family again for the weekend. I need to start a countdown to November 10th because that is the day I will officially be moving to our new town. In the meantime, I will do what I can from here to support my boys while doing the best I can finishing my teaching and coaching responsibilities at my old school. Thank goodness I have running as an outlet. Today I ran 400 repeats with one of our newer girls to help her keep race pace. She did amazing again today. She ran a negative split for the last of her eight 400s. It was a great workout for her and a decent one for me too. I’m glad that I can be there to support her. I can at least find some peace in the knowledge that my presence at my school continues to have a positive impact even though I feel torn between two places.

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